Updated: Oct 16, 2022
At best, we find parents who spend most of the time making sure our needs are met. When that is the case, we experience peace within. That is never completely the case because no mother and father are perfect and 100% available. As a small baby, however, this is particularly intense. Then unfulfilled needs lead to feelings of discomfort inside. And that continues until it's time to become aware of it. In this blog, I will show how Systemic Work can help you to be aware and heal these deeply rooted patterns in yourself and others.
"I feel neglected"
At one of my workshops some time ago, a man indicated: “I feel neglected”. He says his parents already had two children when he was born and they also owned a shop that they ran together. His parents entrusted him to a nurse as a very small boy. “Have you had a good time with your nurse?” I ask. “I don't know,” he says. I explain to him that the wisdom of his body remembers. When I asked a woman to be representative (resonator) for this nurse and stand close to him, he slowly becomes aware of what he is feeling. “It feels familiar,” he says. He feels touched and with emotion in his voice he thanks her: 'You were there and you put a radio by my bed. Thank you for the music. But it does feel empty and that makes me angry." In his (love) relationships, he often feels restless and continues to look for attention from (other) women.
Entanglement in the relationship
As humans, we tend to get satisfaction from outside us when we experience lacking or a emptiness. At the same time, we project our needs and desires onto our (love) partner. It can never fully satisfy our needs and therefore we feel deprived or rejected. This is an important recipe for dissatisfaction and hassle in relationships. We call this an entanglement in the relationship.
In Systemic Work, these entanglements come to the front and the source of your lacking and shortage becomes clear. That can be confrontational and painful, but it always provides insight, healing and releases tension from the body.
Systemic work makes energy and love flow again
This man in the constellation takes the opportunity to express his anger and in doing so, the wall he has built around his heart is crumbling. During the music, he can again reach out to his mother's resonator with tears in his eyes. "How I've missed you, Mom. I now see that I was actually looking for you in all those women." His father's resonator is now also closer. It is a beautiful, moving scene. If his (ex) partner had experienced this attitude, she would have seen how much loss and love are hidden under that layer of anger. The wall that has just crumbled has always protected him. She would see and feel the energy and love flowing again.
This is the power in a workshop Systemic Work like we do. Especially for couples, this brings so much insight and compassion, that love can flow freely again. A valuable gift for every relationship.